A Better Blender

So up until very recently I had a blender. It was a blender my Father bought me at a time when he obviously thought I needed one. When I asked him why he bought me a blender (it was no special occasion) he responded, "Most people would just be grateful." I take that to mean that he had no reason at all -- he just did.

Anyway, this blender my Dad bought me is of the brand "Toastess" I suppose that it might be good or bad, I don't really know anything about small appliance brands. (Unless your microwave says 'Sony' on it... but that's another story...)

So this blender actually was a bit of a pain in the butt. You see, it had vertical grooves in the side of the conical glass part. This is fine and quite an aesthetic attempt, unfortunately the thickness of the glass didn't vary, for the result of there being flanges on the interior. Now, a blender has a blade which spins and creates a vortex. The vortex makes the stuff inside swirl like a whirlpool and takes the stuff from the top, spins it to the bottom and through the blades. That means everything gets blended evenly. Unfortunately these flanges slowed everything down and made manual help necessary. Of course, manually assisting your blender is a VERY BAD IDEA. I mean, a GOD DAMNED bad idea. (And I never say that!)

Regardless, all my fingers and toes remain intact, happily. Just 5 minutes ago my glass blender piece dropped off the counter and shattered on my carpeted kitchen floor. Unbelievable. And don't tell me it was my negative thinking.

Anyway, I designed a better blender. It has flanges on the sides, but instead of being vertical they are not quite horizontal and they spiral to assist in the matter inside getting spun around. Furthermore, the cylinder could be made of metal, instead of glass. Metal is nice and shiny and easy to clean, whereas glass is cheaper looking, easy to clean, and transparent. Transparency is a nice quality but so is style. What I hate is having a spout on your blender -- it's impossible to clean out thoroughly. Furthermore, spouts should work. They should be wide and also deep. My blender had a spout which was essentially a lip at the top. It is important to extend the spout deeply so that tipping the blender at a lesser angle still results in pouring. Otherwise if you tip the blender at the greatest angle, the width of the stuff coming out is wide enough to spill beyond any glass. Furthermore, blenders should not have blades, but should have blunt metal flanges. This beats and breaks matter up instead of cutting it. This is a huge difference in regards to organic and biochemical processes. Actually if the blades could be made non-metallic, such as cubic boron nitride, I'd be alot happier. However that's quite expensive. Another thing I'd like is to have the blades driven by electromagnets as opposed to a standard electric motor, so that no matter how much resistance is encountered, no melting or burning out of a motor results.

That's my better blender. Cheers!